What is The Worst Vacation You’ve Ever Been On? And What is Your Dream Vacation?

To be honest, I’ve never been on a really bad vacation. Of course there were moments I absolutely hated during vacations, but they didn’t instantly mean I despised the vacation itself. There are always good and bad parts of certain things.

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July 12th & 13th, 2021 – Listening to TWICE’s Alcohol-Free.

To be honest, I’ve never been on a really bad vacation. Of course there were moments I absolutely hated during vacations, but they didn’t instantly mean I despised the vacation itself. There are always good and bad parts of certain things.

I hate getting on and off a bus, though I am fine with the bus ride itself. I wish I could just teleport in and out the bus without having to climb the stair, knocking over seats and people and wondering where to sit — all the while dragging a heavy bag and making sure my head doesn’t bump the roof. I also dislike aisle seat because I don’t know where to look for the rest of the ride. Should I face front? Should I watch the TV? Should I look at the window even though I have to risk meeting eyes with the person who sits beside me? Or maybe I should just look down on my lap and make up my own TV show inside my head.

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What is The Best Vacation You Have Ever Been On? And What is Your Favourite Vacation Memory?

My best (and also most favourite) vacation memory gotta be my second trip to Bali. The first time I went to Bali was for school trips. Because it’s a schedule-packed trip to Surabaya and Bali, with hundreds of students, the experience was more exhausting than refreshing for me. It almost felt like a prolonged P.E. class, only with more travels and bus seats for resting instead of wooden chairs.

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July 10th & 11th, 2021 – Listening to IU’s LILAC.

My best (and also most favourite) vacation memory gotta be my second trip to Bali. The first time I went to Bali was for school trips. Because it’s a schedule-packed trip to Surabaya and Bali, with hundreds of students, the experience was more exhausting than refreshing for me. It almost felt like a prolonged P.E. class, only with more travels and bus seats for resting instead of wooden chairs. The crossing to Bali from Java island using ferry ship was also uncomfortable because it’s done in the middle of the night when we’re all tired and greasy from days not taking a proper bath. Even after we arrived in Bali, it still took us a day to reach the hotel (due to hectic schedule).

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What’s Your Happiest Summer Memory From Your Childhood? Do You Usually Go On Vacation During The Summer?

I don’t have anything that comes up to my mind. It’s not that I don’t have any fond memories from my childhood, it’s more like I don’t remember the exact time those memories actually took place. I didn’t compartmentalize my memories by season or month, so it’s hard for me to recall them. It doesn’t help that summer literally doesn’t exist where I live. So when you ask me about “summer memories”, chances are I can’t remember any since my memories are not associated with summer.

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July 8th & 9th, 2021 – Listening to Park Yun Seo’s The King.

I don’t have anything that comes up to my mind. It’s not that I don’t have any fond memories from my childhood, it’s more like I don’t remember the exact time those memories actually took place. I didn’t compartmentalize my memories by season or month, so it’s hard for me to recall them. It doesn’t help that summer literally doesn’t exist where I live. So when you ask me about “summer memories”, chances are I can’t remember any since my memories are not associated with summer.

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What Did You Do During The Summer When You Were A Young Child?

Back when I was a child, Grandmother had a small wooden cottage where she stored firewood. The cottage was located on a land filled with teak trees. I spent most of my childhood years there, not only during the holiday but also after I went back from school. In that cottage, there was also a modest swing created from car’s tire. I played house there, collecting young leaves and pretending to cook soup for my nephew. Sometimes I also borrowed Grandmother’s firewood to build a small tent. Never worked, but I kept trying anyway.

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July 7th, 2021 – Listening to keshi’s less of you.

Back when I was a child, Grandmother had a small wooden cottage where she stored firewood. The cottage was located on a land filled with teak trees. I spent most of my childhood years there, not only during the holiday but also after I went back from school. In that cottage, there was also a modest swing created from car’s tire. I played house there, collecting young leaves and pretending to cook soup for my nephew. Sometimes I also borrowed Grandmother’s firewood to build a small tent. Never worked, but I kept trying anyway.

Continue reading “What Did You Do During The Summer When You Were A Young Child?”

What Do You Usually Do During the Summer? Do You Have Any Special Plan for This Summer?

I sleep more during the summer. As I have less things to do and no specific schedule to follow, my body becomes a lot more lethargic. On the usual basis I already spend so much time under the blanket, watching TV shows and reading webtoon, but during the summer the frequency is beyond unhealthy. Even when I have enough night sleep, I still somehow end up taking three or four hours daytime nap. And if I don’t sleep, I crave food. Chocolate, salty snacks, even full course meal if it’s possible. These are the habits I really want to change.

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July 5th-6th, 2021 – Listening to Official 髭男dism’s Hello.

I sleep more during the summer. As I have less things to do and no specific schedule to follow, my body becomes a lot more lethargic. On the usual basis I already spend so much time under the blanket, watching TV shows and reading webtoon, but during the summer the frequency is beyond unhealthy. Even when I have enough night sleep, I still somehow end up taking three or four hours daytime nap. And if I don’t sleep, I crave food. Chocolate, salty snacks, even full course meal if it’s possible. These are the habits I really want to change.

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What is The Most Important Task That You Need to Complete This Summer?

I have nothing, to be honest. I am done with this semester. I have no organization’s obligations. No remedial. No mid-year report. Nothing. I am completely free to do whatever I want to do this summer.

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July 4th, 2021 – Listening to BTS’s Mikrokosmos.

I have nothing, to be honest. I am done with this semester. I have no organization’s obligations. No remedial. No mid-year report. Nothing. I am completely free to do whatever I want to do this summer.

If I have to admit, it’s actually a strange feeling. Since attending college, there are usually one or two deadlines I have to finish during the summer, whether it’s for academic or organization. But I retired from my organization last year and now that the academic year is over, my hands feel empty. Of course I have all those personal projects, but it’s not urgent and it’s certainly not something I have to finish during the semester. They’re long-term project after all.

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Do You Have A Lot of Work To Do for School/Job This Summer?

Fortunately, I am free of any school obligations this summer. The semester has already ended (or officially end by next Wednesday), and I have no remedial or make up test to attend to. I also don’t have a job yet, so whatever I am going to do this summer, it’s purely because I want to do it.

July 3rd, 2021 – Listening to LOONA’s Butterfly.

Fortunately, I am free of any school obligations this summer. The semester has already ended (or officially end by next Wednesday), and I have no remedial or make up test to attend to. I also don’t have a job yet, so whatever I am going to do this summer, it’s purely because I want to do it.

I know that many of you probably still have a lot works to be done during the summer, so I hope you manage to finish them as best as you could. My own younger sister will start high school in the middle of July too (she’s already mourning the approaching end of her holiday) and many of my friends right now are completing their undergraduate thesis (I strongly wish for their success–listening to their stories this semester make me nervous too).

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Do You Have a Specific Goal for This Summer?

As cliche as it might sound, my only goal for this summer to be productivily happy–or happily productive. I have projects and activities I want to do, but I know from experience that I tend to overwhelm myself and end up in burn out. Which is totally unproductive. And most importantly, totally unhappy.

July 2nd, 2021 – Listening to aespa’s Next Level.

As cliche as it might sound, my only goal for this summer to be productivily happy–or happily productive. I have projects and activities I want to do, but I know from experience that I tend to overwhelm myself and end up in burn out. Which is totally unproductive. And most importantly, totally unhappy.

Since I already pick up this Summer Studying Challenge by myhoneststudyblr, I know that at least my blog is going to be much more productive this month. I also received the acceptance notice from one volunteering organization I’ve applied for yesterday, so I already have at least two projects on-going. We got our job distributions this morning and the volunteering activity starts tomorrow. I’m excited!

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What Are Your Plans for This Summer?

Today is the unofficial start of my holiday. Unofficial, because based on the academic calendar, holiday starts on July 7th, which is next week. Unofficial, because today becomes my first day of holiday after I finally submitted my last final assignment last night.

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July 1st, 2021 – Listening to James Arthur & Anne-Marie’s “Rewrite The Stars”

Today is the unofficial start of my holiday. Unofficial, because based on the academic calendar, holiday starts on July 7th, which is next week. Unofficial, because today becomes my first day of holiday after I finally submitted my last final assignment last night.

After more than a year doing online classes and staying at home literally 24/7 at least 6 days out of 7 (because I have no social life that way), even the introvert side of me begins to feel tired too. I rarely contact my friends during exam season and no one live close enough to hang out safely, so I miss them a lot. We only have one class together this semester and since I am half a year later than them academically, I probably won’t be able to meet them in class next semester. Talking about a lone wolf, right?

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Class Registration, Last Week’s Blog Post, and Ativan Withdrawal

I’m going to rant. Probably. So for the last two weeks I’ve been on edge because of several things: starting new semester, having an identity crisis over my blog’s goal, and experiencing Ativan withdrawal symptoms.

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10.09.2020 – Listening to Stray Kids’s “Hellevator”.

I’m going to rant. Probably.

So for the last two weeks I’ve been on edge because of several things: starting new semester, having an identity crisis over my blog’s goal, and experiencing Ativan withdrawal symptoms.

First thing first. College actually starts next week on 14th. I am extra nervous because it is going to be the first full semester we’re having online classes. I don’t feel comfortable using video conference app etc because there are so many things that could go wrong: my internet connection, my slow laptop, the bad video/audio’s quality, and the possibility that I will lose the neat structure of an offline class (many of my professors/lecturers are not exactly technology-friendly too). They’re mostly things I cannot control though, so I’ve been telling myself that there’s no use in worrying about it.

Today though, another problem comes up. In our college, particularly for this specific semester, we have three different periods of class registration. The first week of September is when we can add and drop class. The previous three days is when we can only drop class. And the next two days is when we can only add class.

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In the first week of September, I had chosen a sign language class. It is a very popular class and by the end of the week, I already found out that I was outside the quota. So yesterday, I dropped the class. This morning though, I added a new class (The History of Indonesian Maritime), checked that I was in quota, saved the registration, but then… suddenly I was outside the quota. Probably someone chose the class at the same time I did, but (s)he won it over.

That is so frustrating. I wish blaming my internet connection can be of use, but it’s not.

I just messaged my academic advisor, knowing that there is nothing I could do right now. She said to wait it out. Either the class increases its quota or I will be forced to drop it (and therefore not able to take any elective course this semester).

Well, as I am writing this, suddenly the problem doesn’t seem that big anymore. After all, there is nothing I could do.

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Second thing next. About blog post.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I usually upload at least one post every week. Last week though, I didn’t post anything. I actually already scheduled to post a review of a book I read in August, but then decided against it. There are two reasons: I didn’t like how the review turned out and I feel like reviewing books or movies doesn’t align with what I want this blog is about. I’m still figuring out what kind of blog I want to write. These last few weeks I’ve been focusing on writing fictional story or poetry, but the process is kind of long. I don’t want to rush a story every week just to fill in the schedule (even though I know it will also have some benefits, mainly improving my writing habit). But I also don’t want to let my blog be inactive for longer than two weeks. I have noticed that I feel less and less motivated to write (and in life) when I don’t manage my blog regularly.

Actually this week is supposed to be another book review. I wrote the review in March and scheduled it for September (I don’t know why, but that’s how my schedule says). At first, I was thinking that I am going to write a journal entry talking about the book casually, but then I just want to rant. The last two weeks have been crazy.

For now I plan to upload all drafts I still have for this blog while figuring out what to do about the content. I am thinking about moving my review contents to Instagram (I usually talk about songs there) and making this blog as a pure portfolio blog (which means mainly stories and poems) or mixed personal blog (which includes more journal entries). I am still confused.

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So, the last thing. Ativan withdrawal.

I’ve been taking Ativan for almost half a year now. My doctor has begun to wane it off since three months ago, gradually decreasing the dose, but on 24th last month he said I could begin to stop taking the medicine. He said if I don’t need to, I should not take it anymore. The problem is even if we had begun to wane it off for months, when I stop taking the medicine, it still affects me. For the first two weeks after my last appointment, I have been having difficulty in falling asleep at reasonable time. You could find me still awake at 3 or 4 in the morning and only took two or three hours sleep afterward. Even when then I decided to take the medicine. For someone who’s diagnosed with bipolar disorder, this lack of sleep can be fatal. My mood was terrible. I had nightmares, headache, nauseous feeling, and tremors. Plus a lot of anxiety. Thank God for the antidepressants and mood stabilizers. If not, I probably couldn’t survive through those days.

For this week, I find that I can finally be able to sleep earlier (at 9 or 10 pm) but wake up just as early (2 or 3 am). It’s still an improvement from the previous weeks, so I take it as a good sign that I’m getting the hang of the withdrawal symptoms.

In two weeks I’ll be meeting my doctor again. I think I can manage without Ativan in the future (or at least he can give me less tablets for next month). We’ll see.

Update (01/07/2021): I did survive the Ativan withdrawal and feel so much better now. Just want to give some notice in case there are people wondering (and maybe worrying) about it. I have no trouble sleeping now. I am still on antidepressant and mood stabilizer, but no longer need Ativan to stay asleep.