Rose, Sun, and Rain

Two of one peculiar kind, grasping the same space underneath the sky. That’s who they are, that’s what they are.

Photos by Abhishek Gaurav and Vlad Bagacian from Pexels.

She is a girl learning to love,
dazzled by the way a hand is reaching out.
For the first time ever,
she knows she is wanted.

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Someone in the Highlight

You were a kid running away from home, but you were also eighteen. The world thought you did not deserve even a tiny bit of pity.

Photos by Free-Photos from Pixabay.

You left the house when you were eighteen. Contrary to what you’d previously believed, the sky was so bright it hurt your eyes. It was as if the world was celebrating while your heart broke into pieces you had no time to collect.

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In Between

I was — I am — taking a new path, leaving all the burdens behind. Those boring black shoes. The inconvenient long-sleeved shirt. Words that got swallowed up in fear. Most importantly the fear itself.

Photo by Free-Photos from pixabay.

Remember the dawn at the harbour when we stood few feet apart, watching the crowds gathering as the moon hide behind some obscure gray clouds? You think it’s the end, but for me it’s the beginning.

I guess something did end back then though. Maybe it’s the affection, or simply the care. Nothing important since as I’ve said, for me, that was the beginning.

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Scenes Without Sound

Isn’t this nice? The silence. The colours that are muted because you can no longer feel the buzzing of each and every spectrum.

Photo by capturenow on Canva.

Take my hand and leave the deafening world. Get rid of people. Get rid of love. Get rid of the burdens stripping away the last bit of kindness you still have. 

My own world — your new home — has no place for either things. We are the only people left. There is no need for love when I plan to let go of your hand just as quickly as you take it. My company is only to pass the gate. From here on, your life is yours to live. I have no need of you. You certainly have no need of me. 

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Too Much Darkness for Rainbow

The sun breaks through layers of curtains, colouring the room red. My heart is still beating even when each thump feels like a kick to the chest.

Photos by Thiago Matos (right) and Valeriia Miller (left) from Pexels.

When my tears overflow, I wonder: is it you I hate or is it me? The sun breaks through layers of curtains, colouring the room red. My heart is still beating even when each thump feels like a kick to the chest. Is it grief that leaves me broken or is it anger? Am I sad ’cause you’re gone or am I angry ’cause I’m not the one who cuts you off? Am I selfish for not wanting it to end or am I stupid for hanging onto something that’s destined to break apart?

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Why The Sun Doesn’t Stay for the Winter

She smiled, her hand gripping the doorknob like it’s the one last thing that kept her from the freedom she sought. “If I did this, would you think it’s a lie?”

Pictures by Karolina Grabowska and Alissa Nabiullina from Pexels.

How to say goodbye? He asked.
Close the door and never come back, she said.
How to explain the farewell? He asked.
Give them a smile and say you no longer want to be around, she said.
Wouldn’t they think that’s a lie? He asked.

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The (Un)Familiar Silence

Your smile was back. Your words returned. One day too, I would learn your way to fake a grin before finding a genuine smile, somewhere along the way. For now, I would stay.

Like you, I wanted to smile. The question was, could I? When it was clear that there were tears in your eyes. When it was clear that your heart was hurting inside.

So, I didn’t smile. And slowly, your (fake, never genuine) grin faltered too.

It’s not your fault, I wished to say. It’s never been yours.

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An Orchestra of Us

Sing to the fire of the past, dear one. Tell them your wound has healed.

Sing to the fire of the past, dear one
Tell them your wound has healed
and that your heart can love again.
Tell them how the smile comes back
and how the laughter follows not too far behind.
Tell them that I am still here
even when they once told you I would never stay.

I will always stay.

Sragen, February 15th, 2021

心臓: Daging Tak Bisa Patah/Flesh Cannot Be Broken (English Version)

Broken heart, I say, isn’t real. Because it’s not a piece of marble which can be smashed and scratched.

This short prose is inspired by DAY6’s “Congratulations”. Lyrics as stated above.

Broken heart, I say, isn’t real. Because it’s not a piece of marble which can be smashed and scratched. It is not a branch which wind can squeeze until it loses its support. It’s not a bone which you can hit and make a crackling sound.

It is flesh, beating and continues beating. It’s a rhythm that’s half real, the rest you can’t see. It is a container that holds emotions and encapsulates the unspeakable.

It cannot be broken.

Or at least that’s what I believe.

(Yet who am I to trust.)

Sragen, February 3rd, 2021
Translated on February 4th, 2021